I long to hold you

I don’t have a very snuggly kid. He gives great hugs and kisses and will occasionally sit on your lap for a short story, but for the most part, he prefers to be in constant motion. He was only 8 months old when he stopped letting me rock him to sleep. I love that he is independent but I miss those days.  

Saturday morning he woke up with some tummy troubles. From 7am until about 12:30 he sat in my lap. He wasn’t in terrible pain or anything dramatic, he just didn’t feel good and wanted to cuddle with Mommy. We watched The Lion King and most of Finding Nemo then read Are you my Mother?, Go Dog, Go! and Green Eggs and Ham approximately 637 times. Each. 

He took a short nap on me around 9:30 and as I stroked his little cheek, I had to smile. I don’t ever want him to be sick or hurt, but at the same time I love that he came to me and let me take care of him. I love that this fantastic, sweet, independent little creature slowed down, for the first time in almost 2 years, enough to curl up in my lap and just be close to me.

As I said a little prayer for him that he would feel better and thanked Jesus for letting me be his Momma, I had a God moment. This is what He wants from me.

“…How often I have desired and yearned to gather your children together around Me, as a hen gathers her young under her wings, but you would not!” Luke 13:34

He wants me to stop being in constant motion. He wants me to put aside everything else, crawl into his arms and just be with Him. He is my dad. He loves me so much more and so much better than I can ever love Justice and though he’s proud of me and takes pleasure in seeing me accomplish things, what he wants most of all is for me to snuggle up with him every once in a while.

Like Justice, I give hugs and kisses to God, little prayers of thanks and praise throughout the week. And I may sit with Him for a few minutes to hear a story but it’s not until I’m sick or hurt (usually emotionally) that I really tuck in with God and let Him take care of me. 

I remember how close I felt to God as we traveled through infertility. I know He is always beside me, but during that time I was actively reaching for His hand. I spent hours in prayer and meditation. I read and read and read His word. And I felt at peace. During the most challenging years of my life, even when I was aching for a child, I was at peace.

Why is it so hard to keep that closeness when things are good? 

That is my simple prayer this week. Help me to be still Lord.